"Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life" is a book written by Stuart Diamond that offers practical advice on how to negotiate effectively in various situations.
In the book, Diamond argues that traditional approaches to negotiation, which focus on power dynamics and the goal of winning, are not effective. Instead, he suggests that negotiators should focus on creating value and finding mutually beneficial solutions.
Introduction
This is a book that aims to empower you to improve your life through the art of negotiation. It is based on the principle that anyone can learn to be a better negotiator and get more out of life. The author, with over 20 years of experience teaching negotiation, provides practical and effective strategies that challenge traditional wisdom. The Getting More process simplifies and demystifies negotiation theory and provides a more practical, realistic and effective way of dealing with others. This book offers a fresh perspective on how to approach and navigate negotiation, aiming to give you the ability to get more from every interaction and make a positive change in your life.
Overview at a glimpse
In "Getting More" by Stuart Diamond, the author takes readers on a journey of understanding the true nature of negotiation and how to achieve more in their personal and professional lives through effective negotiation techniques. The story begins with a relatable scene of a couple, who despite their best efforts, find themselves at the brink of missing their flight to Paris. The situation seems dire, but through the use of the author's negotiation techniques, they are able to secure their spot on the flight.
The author then drives into the traditional approach to negotiation, which often sees it as a zero-sum game, and argues that this approach is flawed and leads to suboptimal outcomes. He then introduces the concept of interest-based negotiation, which he argues is a more effective approach. The author provides examples of how using objective criteria, finding the decision maker, focusing on goals, making human contact, and acknowledging the other party's position and power, can help lead to more successful negotiations.
Throughout the book, the author uses real-life examples and relatable scenarios to drive home the importance of understanding the psychology behind negotiation and how mastering these techniques can lead to more effective communication and ultimately getting more of what one wants in life. By the end of the book, readers will have a deeper understanding of how to approach negotiation and will have the tools and techniques to improve their personal and professional interactions.
Chapter summary
1. Thinking Differently
A couple's plans for a weekend trip to Paris were almost ruined when they were told they missed their flight, even though their connecting flight had only landed ten minutes ago. Feeling hopeless, the woman used her negotiation skills and caught the pilot's eye. She let her bags slump by her feet and pleaded with her eyes, her efforts were rewarded as the pilot let them on the flight. This was a nonverbal negotiation, but it was done in a conscious, structured, and effective way using several negotiation tools such as, dispassion, preparation, finding the decision maker, focusing on goals, making human contact and acknowledging the other party's position and power.
2. People Are (Almost) Everything
The Writers Guild in Hollywood was on strike for three months. John Bowman, the Guilds chief negotiator, sought advice from a prominent Hollywood agent on how to approach the negotiations with the studios. The author asked Bowman to focus on the people and make small talk, rather than focusing on the issues. Bowman replaced the confrontational negotiators with himself and the result was a successful and quick resolution of the strike. The author said that negotiations are about connecting with the people and understanding their emotional and situational temperature, and that this is the key to persuasion and successful negotiation.
3. Perception and Communication
The book "Getting More" by Stuart Diamond tells the importance of perception and communication in negotiation. He uses the example of a picture of a red circle with an arrow to illustrate how individuals can have vastly different perceptions of the same image. Misperception is the biggest cause of communication failure and negotiation failure worldwide. Every humans have different values, emotional make-ups, experiences, and observations which influence the way they perceive things and this is the main reason for most human conflicts. We have to identify the importance of understanding that perception is subjective, and that the other person's perception is important in a negotiation in order to bridge the perception gap and achieve a successful outcome.
4. Hard Bargainers and Standards
In this book "Getting More" by Stuart Diamond, the author uses the live example of a student who went to McDonald's to get French fries and was given soggy fries. Instead of getting angry, the student calmly went to the end of the counter and picked up a printed copy of McDonald's freshness guarantee and walked back to the counter. By pointing to the freshness guarantee which promised the perfect texture of fries, the student was able to get fresh fries. The author highlights the importance of using other people's standards as a negotiation tool and argues that it is one of the most effective way to achieve one's goals. By using other people's standards, the other party usually feels compelled to be consistent with their own standards. He also recommends that using standards can help to enforce promises, guarantees, and policies and make people less likely to violate their own standards.
5. Trading Items of Unequal Value
Once upon a time, there was a paper industry executive named Larry who was struggling to close a multimillion-dollar deal with a customer. He couldn't understand why the customer wasn't agreeing to the deal, until he finally figured out that all the customer wanted was four basketball tickets to the NBA finals. Larry was able to trade those tickets, which weren't of much value to him, for the multimillion-dollar deal. From that day on, Larry understood the concept of trading items of unequal value, and he used it to make successful deals in his business. He realized that people value different things differently, and that by finding out what the other party values, and trading something of less value to him for something that's valuable to the other party, can help to make better deals, and improve trust and relationship.
6. Emotion
A mother was trying to take her five-year-old daughter to the hospital after she got injured but the child was refusing to go. The mother was a student of negotiation and instead of getting emotional, she decided to use her negotiation skills. She approached her daughter and asked her questions like, "Does Mommy love you?" and "Would she do anything to hurt you?" These type of questions revealed her daughter that her Mommy understood her needs and fears and it helped her to calm down. In the end, the child walked to the car without any problem. The mother used emotional payments to address her daughter's fears and it helped her to achieve her goal.
7. Putting It All Together: The Problem-Solving Model
Eric Holck was a lawyer at Google, but he found that there was a lot of disagreement between the sales and legal teams. They had trouble trusting each other and communicating, and they disagreed on standards and joint preparation. In a workshop, Eric played the role of a sales rep in a role reversal exercise. He found that it helped him understand the sales team's perspective and that it improved the way the legal and sales teams worked together. They now communicate better and try to find better solutions for problems that arise. Eric realized that the key to negotiation success is to find creative solutions to problems and turn them into opportunities. He had used the problem-solving model developed by the workshop teacher and found it very helpful.
8. Dealing with Cultural Differences
A company had a problem where the legal and sales teams were not seeing eye to eye. There was disagreement over what should be offered, how much risk to take, and how the negotiation should be conducted. Eric, an attorney at the company, realized that there was not enough trust, communication and joint preparation between the teams. He decided to try a problem-solving approach, where he role-played as a sales rep in a workshop. He found that by understanding the perspective of the sales team, his ability to deal with them increased and he was able to build trust and improve communication. By using a problem-solving model, Eric was able to bring the two teams together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
9. Getting More at Work
A recent graduate from Harvard Business School, named Jane, was hired by a major company in California. She knew that the three people who hired her, CEO, President and Executive Vice President, were all older than her and would probably be gone before her career hit its peak. So, for three years, Jane did favors for different departments in the company, even if it was not part of her job description. She did this after hours, on weekends and sometimes as part of her job. She collected friends in different departments and when the new management team came in, there was a hue and cry throughout the company "This woman is indispensable, you can't get rid of her!" And her job was saved. Jane's actions were a form of a three-year negotiation with the company and she made herself an indispensable asset and hard to get rid of. She knew that it's important to understand the other party and the people who influence them to develop an effective negotiation strategy and make herself more valuable to the company.
10. Getting More in the Marketplace
A student from Harvard Business School went to Bloomingdales to buy a pair of shoes. He noticed that there were two pairs of shoes that looked similar but the more expensive one was much better made. He asked the salesman if the more expensive pair was going to be discontinued and if he could get a discount on the shoes. The salesman hesitated but eventually gave in and offered a discount of 36%. The student was able to get the more expensive and better made shoes at a cheaper price. The student learned that by doing research, understanding the other party's perspective and being willing to ask for a discount, he was able to get more in the marketplace. He realized that negotiation can sometimes be viewed as manipulation, but it can also be beneficial for both parties.
11. Relationships
A woman wanted her mother to move into a nursing home for her safety and better health care. However, her mother was resistant and did not want to part with her belongings. The woman listened to her mother's fears and came up with a solution where her mother could take her belongings with her to the nursing home. With understanding and effective communication, they were able to solve the problem and her mother moved into the nursing home. She understood the feelings and perceptions of her mother, and used negotiation skills to provide an emotional payment and find a solution that would be beneficial for both of them.
12. Kids and Parents
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who always missed the school bus. Her father, an architect, grew frustrated with the daily routine of taking her to school. He couldn't figure out why she kept missing the bus until he put himself in her shoes. The little girl missed the bus to spend more time with her dad. So, her father came up with a plan. He proposed a trade-off, that if she caught the bus, he would spend time with her on Saturday instead of having to work to make up for the lost time. He also formed a coalition with the mother of one of her best friends and arranged for her friend to pick her up on the way to the bus. From that day on, the little girl never missed the school bus again. The father learned that by understanding his daughter's perceptions and treating her with care and respect, they were able to find a solution that worked for both of them.
13. Travel
A man and his wife went on a weekend getaway to one of the finest hotels in San Diego. However, when the man woke up on Saturday morning, he found his wife shrieking due to ants all over the bathroom floor. Rather than just complaining, he decided to use negotiation tools he had learned in a class. He went to find the manager and asked if the hotel prided itself on the highest level of service and if that included ants in the bathroom. As a result of this approach, the couple was quickly upgraded to a suite and given a complimentary dinner and champagne. The story illustrates that using a conscious and structured negotiation approach can get you more than just complaining or accepting the first offer, and it's important to also negotiate other aspects of travel such as room upgrades, personalized attention, late check-outs and more.
14. Getting More Around Town
Chuck found himself in a difficult situation when he realized he was caught in a pouring rain without an umbrella, just minutes before an important meeting. But, he remembered the negotiation skills he had learned and decided to put them into practice. He approached a stranger who worked nearby and made a request for her help, offering to buy her breakfast in exchange for her walking him to his office under her umbrella. The woman agreed, and Chuck made it to his meeting on time, using techniques like trading items of unequal value, invoking common enemies, linking the negotiation to the future, focusing on people, reducing the perceived risk and even making a new friend. This chapter of the book emphasizes how ordinary people can use negotiation skills in everyday situations to gain more control over their lives and improve their mental well-being.
15. Public Issues
A man named Chuck had forgotten his umbrella on a rainy day and needed to get to an important meeting in 30 minutes. He saw someone getting off the train who worked nearby and asked if they could walk him to work in exchange for buying them a bagel and coffee. She agreed and they walked to work together, discussing how they were willing to help each other out in the future. Chuck learned that being candid about what he wanted was a key to success in both business and life. The chapter discussed using negotiation tools to solve public issues, such as natural disasters and political conflicts, by analyzing the people and processes involved. It used the example of the Middle East as a proxy for these issues and how better negotiation and communication can lead to better solutions.
16. How to Do It
Chuck and Sarah were on their way to work, but it was pouring rain and Chuck had forgotten his umbrella. He saw someone he recognized from the train and asked her if she could walk him to work, promising to buy her a bagel and coffee as a thank you. She agreed and they walked to work together, getting to know each other and making a new friend. Chuck realized that being honest and upfront about what he wanted was key to success in business and in life. He also learned the importance of preparation, attitude, and being comfortable in the negotiation. He knew that if he was prepared, he would be less nervous and more effective, and that the location and timing of the negotiation didn't really matter as long as both parties were comfortable.
To do this, Diamond recommends using a number of techniques, including:
- Gathering as much information as possible about the other party and the negotiation context
- Building trust and relationships with the other party
- Identifying and addressing the other party's underlying needs and concerns
- Seeking mutually beneficial solutions rather than trying to win at the other party's expense
- Using emotion and empathy to build rapport and create a positive negotiating environment
Overall, the main message of "Getting More" is that effective negotiation is about finding creative solutions that meet the needs of all parties involved, rather than simply trying to get the best deal for oneself.